The Spaniel Annals

A Dream Deferred
by Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore–
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over–
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

Today is a waiting day. Waiting for urine and blood test results for Kani. After a winter of recuperation from some health issues, and a steady improvement in her obedience trialing this spring, Kani’s performance at this last weekend’s shows in Lynden can only be described as “crash and burn.”  In a light Friday night training session before the trial,  I noticed a slight loss of responsiveness from her.  Then I remembered the other dogs had been smelling her rear recently, and on Thursday I had had to groom out a discharge in her rear pants that  smelled odd.  I immediately thought we were heading back into yet another bladder infection. A urine dipstick gave some worrisome signs: high white blood cell count, protein and nitrates in the urine. These are not only signs of an infection, but also of the kidneys not properly processing nutrients and toxins.

Yet she seemed okay otherwise, so I showed her. Saturday she reverted to her old problem of ignoring the down signal in the Utility signal exercise, and running through her drop on recall in the Open class. I returned Sunday with some careful Saturday night training and Sunday warm-up before we went in the ring. Utility was a mess, with Kani very stressed, so we skipped Open and went home.

Today I wait to hear back on lab results for blood and urine.   The bladder infections have become so frequent, and her last blood test was a bit worrisome.   My trusty book by Dr. Pitcairn suggests renal disease.

Kani was going to be my dog that would do it all. She had willingness, intelligence and athleticism. She would be my first OTCH and UDX dog, and show everyone the beautiful work a springer is capable of. She came to me at 5 months and we’ve been training ever since. But in all likelihood, this is the end of that journey. While she will always sleep on my bed and be my best girl, there is still a loss of special relationship, and the end of many hopes and dreams. While it’s most important that she can live for many more years with good quality of life, I am grieving for what is coming to a close.